The other week, I talked about how these opportunities have started to present themselves and how much happier I feel and how many people have mentioned this. I have put more focus into this, standing guard to the doors of my mind, as Anthony Robins tells you to do, trying in vain to turn away the negative thoughts, more concentration has gone into this than I put into talking about shoes, bags and The Real Housewives of New York City, so a lot of effort as you can imagine.
Since my last post things have been strange, the fantastic opportunities are still presenting themselves, but also some worrying developments have been received with regards to my lack of money and failure to pay certain organizations. The money is very close to running out and this is where is gets weird, if I think slightly into the future, next month, the month after, things are great, all the projects are taking off, money is in and I am loving it, however, if I think to next week and just past that (I know this is a bit vague but it is how my mind makes the representation) I am frozen with fear about the money and I can not seem to get past that my thought process is about, lack, lack of money, lack of time, lack of clients, lack, lack, lack.......
This is the conflict and where my beliefs come into play. Your beliefs are learnt behaviors, so I have learnt and developed a very brilliant strategy with regards to worrying about lack of money, I do this so well I don't need to think about it, it just plays its self, I don't question how I do it, I just know how. It is so clever than even when I stand guard at the doors of my mind it sneaks past and it is not until I have been playing my strategy for a period of time I recognize that I have been doing it, it referred to as unconscious competence, My lack of money belief is so strong and well developed, it is the same as if you gave me a knife and fork, I would not question how to sit at plate of food and use these utensils. I have been practicing this since I was two years old, it is just natural to be now, in same way I practiced worrying about money probably even before I had any, you could say it was inherited.
It takes a while to understand your beliefs, because want you want is often different, many people would say that they want to be wealthy but there current money situation is a good indication of their true beliefs. So you have to dig deep, but once you do know what can you do about it. Really this comes to your own strength of mind.
Since writing this blog, I have been incredibly disciplined in certain areas, especially since finishing work, so on a daily basis, I follow a process of tapping (EFT, which I will go into in a later posting), I meditate (badly) but I do it even if I get just able to quiet my mind for a minute. One of the reasons I make the effort to meditate, even though I struggle with it, is that I was struck by something that was quoted in The Secret
It is working, without a doubt because I am able to be happy, where as before I know, I would have sat racked with fear and made the situation worse. However, it takes practice, a lot of practice, but I am going to keep going. I was panicked the other day because ten years ago I was in the same position which just shows you the power of your beliefs and how they create the patterns of your life, and I was becoming quite sad because I felt that for all the hard work and sacrifice I have made I don't seem to have moved on, but I have and the difference this time is that I know better. Before, I thought I was at the mercy of outside influences and only good luck would help me, but now I know that I control everything so even in this time of doom and gloom and talk of a depression, I know that I am going to be a success, it may hairy for a few weeks but I am not going to go down, I am not giving up all that I have, materially, physically, mentally or spiritually. I decide, not a politician, not a corporation or any other organization that could take me down, that is not going to happen, only I create my next moments.