It is really amazing what you learn about yourself when you actually take the time to listen. I have heard the experts talk about beliefs, and how your beliefs about yourself shape the foundation of you life, but until you really start to take stock, and get rid of the constant mind chatter and let your real self speak you are blind to it.
The other week, I talked about how these opportunities have started to present themselves and how much happier I feel and how many people have mentioned this. I have put more focus into this, standing guard to the doors of my mind, as Anthony Robins tells you to do, trying in vain to turn away the negative thoughts, more concentration has gone into this than I put into talking about shoes, bags and The Real Housewives of New York City, so a lot of effort as you can imagine.
Since my last post things have been strange, the fantastic opportunities are still presenting themselves, but also some worrying developments have been received with regards to my lack of money and failure to pay certain organizations. The money is very close to running out and this is where is gets weird, if I think slightly into the future, next month, the month after, things are great, all the projects are taking off, money is in and I am loving it, however, if I think to next week and just past that (I know this is a bit vague but it is how my mind makes the representation) I am frozen with fear about the money and I can not seem to get past that my thought process is about, lack, lack of money, lack of time, lack of clients, lack, lack, lack.......
This is the conflict and where my beliefs come into play. Your beliefs are learnt behaviors, so I have learnt and developed a very brilliant strategy with regards to worrying about lack of money, I do this so well I don't need to think about it, it just plays its self, I don't question how I do it, I just know how. It is so clever than even when I stand guard at the doors of my mind it sneaks past and it is not until I have been playing my strategy for a period of time I recognize that I have been doing it, it referred to as unconscious competence, My lack of money belief is so strong and well developed, it is the same as if you gave me a knife and fork, I would not question how to sit at plate of food and use these utensils. I have been practicing this since I was two years old, it is just natural to be now, in same way I practiced worrying about money probably even before I had any, you could say it was inherited.
It takes a while to understand your beliefs, because want you want is often different, many people would say that they want to be wealthy but there current money situation is a good indication of their true beliefs. So you have to dig deep, but once you do know what can you do about it. Really this comes to your own strength of mind.
Since writing this blog, I have been incredibly disciplined in certain areas, especially since finishing work, so on a daily basis, I follow a process of tapping (EFT, which I will go into in a later posting), I meditate (badly) but I do it even if I get just able to quiet my mind for a minute. One of the reasons I make the effort to meditate, even though I struggle with it, is that I was struck by something that was quoted in The Secret, where it was said that without exception all contributors and experts to the book meditated on a daily basis, so I figured if it works for them it has got to work for me. I also write a gratitude diary, every evening, which I actually find really helps because I look for things during the day to be thankful for, so if someone is even remotely kind and generous or the mail man brings nice mail, it goes in the diary, just anything I can say thank you for. I spend five minutes just visualizing everything going exactly how I want it to go, I have a hypnosis CD that I listen to daily which is very powerful called How To Be A Money Magnet, which really helps to quiet my conscious mind and get in touch with my unconscious mind, also something which helps to turn my thinking, is a product that I have talked about before and that is Bob Doyle's Wealth Beyond Reason which I find quite motivating and as I go about my day, I play on my ipod, because it just engrains into me that my thinking affects my life.
It is working, without a doubt because I am able to be happy, where as before I know, I would have sat racked with fear and made the situation worse. However, it takes practice, a lot of practice, but I am going to keep going. I was panicked the other day because ten years ago I was in the same position which just shows you the power of your beliefs and how they create the patterns of your life, and I was becoming quite sad because I felt that for all the hard work and sacrifice I have made I don't seem to have moved on, but I have and the difference this time is that I know better. Before, I thought I was at the mercy of outside influences and only good luck would help me, but now I know that I control everything so even in this time of doom and gloom and talk of a depression, I know that I am going to be a success, it may hairy for a few weeks but I am not going to go down, I am not giving up all that I have, materially, physically, mentally or spiritually. I decide, not a politician, not a corporation or any other organization that could take me down, that is not going to happen, only I create my next moments.